Staying current

no spony, made at least 6 calls t other slaa members trying to get a spony to take me through questions, praying for patience, still abstenant, feel like i’m grieving the person who i became, i was despairingly desperate, in fact suicidal, as i gave myself willingly to a unwell man who treated worse in every way poss, then you would treat a dog. so i’m abstenant on all fronts, i’m doing step 8 via other program, and my side of the street is i wouldn’t want me as a neighbour, worker, mother, daughter,sister, least of all girlfriend, i was and on my own will am a complete nightmare, thank god for steps and change, I’m still doing slaa calls, though 1 return, i’m not believing the fear, that i will slip into ill thinking, yet its a fact if i don’t get help with this soon, i can only stay here on my own for so long, grateful, thanx for being here, charlie